Letters
by franciscangypsy
Summary: Random letters between superheroes. These guys need to learn to socialize outside of battle grunts!Only my second story in a while. I apologize for any degradation in my writing style.
1. Letter 1

1-01-

Um, hi.

This is really awkward.

I mean, even for the beginning of a letter.

Whose idea was this to begin with? Sounds like something the Invisible Woman, or worse, her brother, would have thought up.

Hey, why don't we have superhero pen pals? I mean, it would be a great way to get to know each other! Blah, blah, blah.

Oh, yeah, you might not even remember who I am.

Uh. Problem.

How am I going to keep you from tracking this back to my secret identity? Keep you from figuring out who I am?

If you haven't already…

Have I mentioned that this is awkward?

Um… so, yeah. Um… what's been up with me?

I, uh, captured a few jewel thieves today in the act. That was exciting. Got villain-ized again by the Bugel again. That was entertaining.

Nothing makes my day brighter than to see myself painted as a criminal.

Um… I'm kind of complaining to the wrong person, aren't I? Half the population of _your_ city thinks you're an urban legend. Half of the other half thinks that you're a demon.

Not that you that you show them otherwise. I mean – just as a friendly piece of advice between heroes, y'know – you could _really_ work on your public image.

Being a little less menacing couldn't hurt.

And a smile… wow. That would do wonders.

I won't even start on how a few jokes could make you a _lot_ more friendly looking. People might even line up to buy Batman dolls if you are good enough at it…

Um… I'm rambling. Sorry. Tired.

And a little overstressed.

I better end this letter before you really truss me up.

Man, I'm gonna kill the genius who came up with this idea. _Has_ to have been the Human Torch.

---- Spiderman

* * *

1-30-

Spiderman –

I don't care whose idea it was. Don't write me.

Ever again.

---- Batman


	2. Letter 2

**Webs:** You suck

**Hottie:** You IM'ed me just to tell me I suck?

**Webs:** I got Batman first. He brushed me off completely. Told me never to contact him again.

**Hottie:** Maybe he needs a buddy to lighten him up.

**Webs:** Maybe _you_ need a punch in the nose…

**Hottie: **What makes you think that this was MY idea?

**Webs:** :(

**Webs:** Seriously. I'm NOT in the mood. I got blasted in the Bugle, my wife is irritated cuz I came home late for dinner, AND I got a scram letter from Mr. High-and-Mighty in Gotham.

**Hottie:** Calm down there, Tiger.

**Webs:** DON'T. Call. Me. Tiger.

**Hottie:** Got it.

**Hottie:** I'll talk to the Bat, okay? Happy?

**Webs:** I hope he bites your head off.

**Hottie:** Yeah. I hope you have a nice night too. I think you should know that my letter to Black Canary is being put on hold because of your whining.

**Webs:** My heart bleeds.


	3. Letter 3

01-30-

Hey, Bats!

I know this is out of order and everything, but c'mon, man, you're supposed to be playing nice!

You know that you managed to seriously bug Spidey? Pun not intended. And yes, he _can_ be rather sensitive, but, man, you didn't even _try_ to _seem_ friendly.

And he yelled at me for it. So, yeah. He'd probably appreciate an apology.

If not… um… I'm sure a gift card. Or a teddy bear. Or something friendly and nice-like will do.

Here. I'll offer a deal. You can contact us by AIM. You don't seem to be the chatty type, and it might be easier for you.

It can never hurt to make friends among your allies, dude!

Okay so I'm **Hottie **on AIM and Spidey is **Webs**. My sister is **Ghost**, Mr. Fantastic is **Stretch**, and Thing is, well, **Thing**. Just in case you get real social or something.

Alright, man! Talk to you laterz!

---- Human Torch

* * *

02-10-

Torch –

Hate to pop your bubble, but Batman really isn't the chatty type. He tossed your letter in the trash immediately upon receiving it.

He is, uh, a little abrasive at times.

I'm sorry Spiderman got such a rough reply. I'm really surprised he even got a return letter.

So, sorry. I don't think Batman will be on AIM any time soon.

He'll still be around next time Earth is in danger from our combined crazy nemeses, though. He's nothing if not reliable.

Gotta go. Day job is calling.

---- Nightwing

P.S. You won't be able to trace this, so don't even try.

--- N


	4. Letter 4

**Hottie:** You owe me. Big.

**Webs: **Brush off?

**Hottie: **Stop grinning over there.

**Webs:** Sorry. :D

**Hottie: **Shut up.

**Hottie: **He didn't even send me a reply. NIGHTWING replied. That darn Batclan is so stand-offish. Nightwing made it clear that I would be seriously in trouble if I tried to track him. Like I would ever! Who does he think he is?

**Hottie:** Unsociable snobs both of them.

**Webs:** Wow. Someone is in a bad mood tonight.

**Ghost:** Stop picking on Johnny, Spiderman. It's bad form.

**Hottie:** Susie! This is a PRIVATE conversation.

**Ghost: **Stop having it in a chat room then.

**Hottie:** I LIKE having people stop in!

**Ghost:** Well, then. Stop complaining.

**Webs:** Um… ducking out now…

**Hottie:** No, you don't! You need your next contact!

**Webs: **Torch. For Heaven's sake, give it up!

**Hottie:** I'll give you a guy I think you can get along with. Promise!

**Webs: **….

**Webs:** Okay. I'm listening.

**Hottie:** Flash. He was kinda keen on the idea of superhero pen pals.

**Webs:** Okay. Okay. If this one doesn't work out, I quit. I have a hard enough time with the superheroes I frequently contact. I don't need to start losing sleep over ones I will barely ever see.

**Hottie:** It will work out. Promise. And Sue, you can have Superman.

**Ghost:** Can't I just AIM him? I'm kind of busy to write letters…

**Hottie:** Sue…

**Ghost:** Fine. :-/

**Ghost:** Come on. Dinner's ready.


End file.
